We Can Change!

We don't notice it, but we change every day, tomorrow we won't be the same person, yet we hold on to old routines, thoughts and behaviour. Some things are easy to change, some take a lot of effort and willpower, not only to make the change but also to realise you need to change.

I have been changing myself forever, not because people made me change, because I listen to no one. I need change to keep going, when I feel down, upset or just not part of myself I change things about myself. That can differ from changing my hair colour, clothes, make-up or trying to change my behaviour. Behaviour is perhaps the most difficult to change, I keep falling back to old routines and thought patterns.

These past few months I have tried to change myself because I realised that I could no longer keep on going like I had before, it just wasn't working. Not only was I straight out being negative about everything, I dragged others down to my well of despair. So I spend the last few months trying to figure out how to change this, because it wasn't doing others any good when they were hanging around me. While I sometimes slide back into my mode of negativity, I found that I better try staying positive, or nothing at all. Also, I decided to change my study behaviour, no more endlessly procrastinating and summarising everything I had to learn, to keep track of what we need to study for the exams. I write things down in my agenda and make assignments a few days before they are due, or finish them before that. I try to keep up with all the other collegework and plan.

Probably the most drastic things I have done this season is piercing my own ears. I didn't have the money to get it down properly, even right now I am down to a total of €2.90 on my bank account. I am used to pain, so that is nothing new and have both my earlobes pierced twice, so that was nothing new either. I was a little bit regretting that I had to take out my lippiercing, so I just wanted to make up for not feeling so awesome. I just needed some change and piercing my own ears sounded like a splendid idea. So I did it, first only two extra earrings in one ear, then four extra, but took one out as it just looked weird and wasn't placed right. Instead I pierced my other ear instead. Now I really want to get a helix and just a stud on the place of an orbital.

 I am also wondering if a flesh tunnel in my not so pierced ear wouldn't look rad. Perhaps it will look weird as I already got another one above the possible flesh tunnel. Also, I want to dye my hair again but it is so thin and if I want some vibrant colour it really needs a bleach job before I dye it green or blue.

I am supposed to do some collegework, but I have been busy all day and tomorrow isn't a lazy day either. I will be playing violin from 10 to 12 and from 2 till 4, after that I have finally time to do some collegework. Also wearing skinny jeans have pockets in which I can keep my phone and I shouldn't spend so much money on food, it drains my back account and it makes me put on weight.