Somehow my life is tumbling down and tumbling up at the same time, leaving me in between hoping that I will fall one way or another. Most of all I am proud of myself, proud of what I am trying to accomplish, because for once in my life I am fighting myself and winning. I am not talking about my own misery, because that one is too pointless to fight. My moods is just something I can do hardly anything about and is so swift that I can give a punch but hit myself instead, which I do when I cut myself, as I am just punished myself in the end and not the happiness eating monster I am trying to kill.
You know, for the first time in my life I am actually studying, for the first time in my life I am dead serious about school. For nearly all my life I never did anything for anything, even high school was more of a joy ride when it came to homework. This is just depressing to think that I have wasted at least two years because I was too lazy to do anything. Sometimes you have to get hit first before you see the big picture. The big picture is a scary thing, for it makes reality look like Cthulhu.
How would the future look like? I either get those 60 points this year, move on to University and perhaps fail all that or get a degree of some kind but no work as there is hardly any work in that field. The other chance is that I might not get those points this year and I am not really looking forward to going to the second year of this study, as it doesn't really suit my skills. All my heart wants is to be a free spirit and have no degree at all, just a shit ton of knowledge, but what happens when I am getting older? Do I have to find a crappy job in the supermarket to sustain some sort of liveable life?
Oh, I just received not spam but certainly not a real e-mail about a package that is supposedly send to my by post with UPS. The smart girl I am I only read it without doing anything to check whether my hotmail was not fucking with me, it does that some times. I was just laughing at the stupidity of the people who send this. If you are trying to money from me, please, please, please, mister Scam, check your spelling. You clearly have not checked your spelling, or grammar for that matter. Have you ever noticed how these scam mails never have correct spelling or grammar. Most of them are send from somewhere in Africa or South America, but still, check your bloody spelling. I am such a hypocrite on that, but anyways. My typing skills are just really bad in general.
Today I got called Green Hornet, I wanted to reply with "I rather be the Green Lantern" but was too late. I guess he only knew about it for the movie. For the record, I knew about both before they got some fancy makeover. Same goes for the new Torn movie that came out a while ago. I have also seen a really old version of the Lord of the Rings, if you like alternative movies with puppets, try that one, it is funny and is quite accurate to the story.
Done for today, actually tonight. See you all tomorrow.
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