I have taken another break from facebook, I can no longer enter the site through my home computer, only through my mobile phone and school, which should reduce the amount of time I actually spend on it. You would think I am a better person after staying off the internet for almost three months, but I am not and it is a long road to recovery. For me there is no such thing as a physical addiction, except for the time that I couldn't go without hurting myself, for the rest, I just can't get addicted to anything, not even smoking. The only real addiction that keeps entering is social addiction, I'm the Charlie Sheen of my social group, completely high and barking mad when I'm getting my fix.
All I want in life right now is a certificate that says that I can go to uni, for that is all I want. Travel the world with the person I love, though I don't love anyone right now. The other thing is that I just want somebody to love, it is not a big request for whatever is granting our wishes. Some people don't want relationships because they are so complicated, I just want somebody to call my own and to share things with and most of all, just be together and have sex, what? yes sex.
Sometimes my life is very superficial, as tonight, the most superficial thoughts came to mind. Being skinny is all you need to be pretty, that and replacing my own face because this one won't get me laid. A new skin would be a good idea too, somehow my skin is breaking out on strange places on my face. There is no such things as enough piercings and I want a tattoo of a three emerging from my spine and covering my both my shoulders.
Scary thought, at least for me, I don't want to go to college tomorrow. This is the first time that I just don't want to go, I have had enough of everything for a while, enough of trying to make something out of nothing. Perhaps I will stay at home, then again, it means I can't stay home for this class on any other date. But there are only two weeks left before the exams. Things are just slightly getting me down, moving, not being social, missing everyone who I care about, going back to the place from where my life went from awesome to absolute crap, fearing that I will fail next exam weeks complete and thus missing the boat on those 60 ESC this year, wasting another year.
It is not easy being someone, being no-one doesn't make anything better either, but at least nobody is asking anything of you. What would you do with that kind of freedom? I wish I had all the money in the world to just buy a van, paint it or get friends who help me paint it and drive off towards the next horizon, get laid, get high and die young. Shouldn't that be my plan? Live fast and die young? According to my pack of cigs, I will die at least 10 years younger and I don't fucking care, because what is 10 year on 100? Yes it is 10%, I could into detail about how to calculate it, dividing, subtracting and all that kind of bullshit that you can do with numbers. All in all, I just want to be pretty and smart and have a lot of green hair instead of being half bald and a redhead, I want to go back to green.
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