So What Are You Going To Do ... ?

We all know these situations where someone asks you "and what you are going to do with your life" and you basically left in state of utter confusion about what you are in fact are planning to do with your life. Why is that we are supposed to know what we want to be when we grown up, when we have to think about what we are gonna study and what we are going to do for a job when we graduate. We are expected to know what we want to do and who we want to be after another four years of living.

[oh there is wet snow falling from the sky along with rain]


If you would have asked me what I wanted to become four years ago, I would have answered that I wanted to be a writer, writing in both Dutch and English. I thought that that would be the only thing that I would love to do, but what do we know. Every day you live you experience something new and every day you become a little wiser, unfortunately, not always smarter. You come to know and realise things that you hadn't done before because you simply didn't have the knowledge yet. Pieces only really stick together when you use the right glue and when they properly. When a puzzle piece is too small it will fall out of the rest of the puzzle and when it's too big it warps and gets stuck between the others but will never feel right. When do you know when you have fallen into place, when are you right where you belong?

[Nine Inch Nails - Right Where It Belongs]

Currently I am heading in the direction of Media Management, think about band manager, event organisers, occupations like that. Still I am not sure if this is what I want to do. There is just nothing in my body that tells me that anything is really what I want to do in a few years, what I will see myself doing in years to come. Why is it so hard to think of what kind of job you want to have for the next forty years of your life. So, this got myself to thinking about it a little more, about what I see myself doing with my life when I am supposed to start a family, get kids and grown old with my partner. I realised that that is not what I want, I don't see myself being traditional. In my heart, the thing that I want to do, what I long to do is travel, just be and experience different cultures. Then it hit me, I want to learn about cultures, write about them and question what a a certain culture is for those humans, what the differences are between different cultures and I want to write about the richness of native tribes and small social groups like gypsies. Summarised to a field of study, this would be Cultural Anthropology, which in fact is a study given by many universities.

This rant just comes again down to how I am stuck in this particular level of studying, where I do not wish to be. It is just really hard to get out of, for I have looked at the European Credits I can get for this year and it only gives 45 EC's where those other 15 EC's go to get your propedeuse, I don't know. But I also know that I am for too scared all the time to be away from the people I know for too long, I would feel miserable. I just wish I was a different person.