On Voyeurism

I am a typical voyeur, I watch, I glance over to the side to observe what others do and say. I do not take active part in this world, I am a passive creature. Whether it comes down to that I don't take action unless it is asked of me or that I prefer watching how others do things, I put it down to be more curious in others and how they act. This can be absolute fun when the person is question is behaving a bit off, or doesn't know he or she is being watched. People are the most interesting when they believe that they are all alone and they can do whatever they want, to watch them being free is liberating, because it makes me realise that under the layer of prudish pretend there is the same crazy I am suffering from.

The downside to voyeurism is that I don't actively take part in life. The internet and the world is full of others who are more interesting to watch, showing how interesting  their lives are. My life is not that interesting, even though I am not the most boring person, my life is. It might be even more boring that the average life of a boring person. Nothing ever happens in my life, I wake up, go to college, do college work, spend some time on the internet or play games, eat and go back to bed ... and repeat. I live my life through others, I watch them decorate from Christmas, I see them going to clubs or bars, laughing with friends and making plans for the weekend. I hardly do any of those things, I am just here, viewing life on youtube through my screen. What happened to the life I had? It withered when I lost the life I had, because you can't have a life without feeding it, without caring for it. I did neither of those, so mine just withered away and drowned in a puddle of regret.

How do you create or restore a life. I still haven't figured that out, well I know how to do it, but right now I don't have the means to. I am just making lame-derrière excuses, as friends would tell me. The truth is, I am not all that comfortable to go to one of the few alternative pubs in my area, nor do I know anyone around here. I have never actively taken part in the life I got here, because by the time you were supposed to go out to pubs and clubs I stayed at home because I had no friends or they had other friends they couldn't see during school time so I always came second wherever I went. I was always the fifth wheel, nobody wants to be the fifth wheel, so I because the one wheel. There is nobody else but me now.

This college study doesn't really create new opportunities either. Everybody just keeps themselves to themselves and when college is done everyone goes to their merry homes to their merry friends to have a happy "buckshot" weekend with them. My question now is. What does one have to do to get a social life when opportunities and money are few and you are not one of the socially gifted?