When we are lost, we try to find those points of recognition, those little reminders of where we are heading, where we are going and where we are. What if those fall away and you are walking in the pitch black night with busted headlights. A bad dream of everyone driving a care, for everyone living a life.
Every dream needs a carriage to take it to its destiny, my carriages are broken and don't take the dream anywhere but when they have started. Is it my fault that my dreams do not past the mark of being "just a dream." I've never actively chased my dreams and when I do they seem to get crushed by somebody else's dreams, since they are bigger and apparently more important than mine. The world seems to be walking all over me, all over my dreams and I let them. I don't fight back, I just sit there watching my life get trampled. Watching my arguments get blown to smithereens and I do not defend myself in any of this. I got taught to be submissive in any negotiation, because whenever I have a cause to fight for with any valid arguments I get branded as the bad guy and have to suffer through their vile mood and get forced to admit that I am wrong and they are right. That is why you got family, I guess, to let yourself get put down.
I am counting down the days to judgement day, it's losing everything or gaining the world. My own suicide is on the agenda, in small letters like the devil's contract. Whether I am signing the deed to my soul and join the party in hell or get hold of the hell on earth is just a matter of dreams that get crushed and shards of hope that pierce my heart.
Please, don't let my blackened soul get you down, it's merely lost in the darkness. Chase your dreams and make them come true, despite what other may say. Dreams is the food that feeds our soul en fuels our love.
Yours faithfully,
1 comment:
Dear Giselle,
I feel your pain. I have the same kind of family attitude – putting me down. Have the world walking over me from time to time. I couldn’t say that I do not fight for my dreams. No – I try as much as I can. I am more like the other way around – nearly exhausted by the everlasting fight with the world and the fate, lost somewhere in the middle of the path between nothing and everything, struggling to go on, but seeing the designation even further away and again finding myself in the middle of nothingness. Like a mad warrior, striking the wind with his sword in the middle of a lonely desert. But nevertheless I see no point in stopping this fight. And also I think it is never too late to start chasing and fighting for your dreams, even if all seems lost. For there is still hope! And I believe someday our time will come too. And we’ll struggle through the darkness and beyond it and will reach them. Just don’t surrender. From the little I know about you by a small portion of your blog, I think – you have it in you. You can do it. You have rich and beautiful soul which can do much more. And please don’t kill yourself. Hell won’t go away. We’ll have enough time there when the time comes. No need to hurry. And you still have dreams to chase in here. And if you look carefully enough to see them – enough shards of hope to fuel you up. So don’t give up ;)
Yours faithfully,
Mad Slav -
Just a lost soul, passing by…
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