Dear Almost Summer

You are the spots on my face, ever so characteristic for my personality, they do not grace me as much as real freckles would. The burning heat of this almighty ball of gas that the planets aligned in their own courses burns my motivation. Every day I fight with my sibling, because she so tired that she is irritable and I don't give up like that when I believe that I am right. There is no such thing as going the wrong way, but don't try to tell me that I don't know where I am going while your directions were clearly leading me somewhere else that I was supposed to go. Of all things in the world, there is one thing I am usually sure about and that is the directions. Especially the direction in the town I not quite grew up in. This reminds me of the time I took my girlfriend to the museum and I thought I was lost, the only thing that was wrong was that we were standing at the back of the building and I couldn't by god remember what the back looked like.

 This time I could even tell what street we were on without looking at any road signs and I know where the road was which we were supposed to take. But not, I get told that my directions were off, any map could show that all my directions were right and that madam should have been happy that I told her to take a turn because else she would have been cranky for cycling even longer. She was wrong in the first place, that we drove into the wrong street might have been my fault but I knew immediately that we were wrong, she just didn't see the error of the direction we were going.

The horrible thing about summer is that it is never a really happy time. In fact it is usually the time I am most stressed. At the beginning of the summer there is always the end of the school year, bringing a lot of stress with it and and the end of the summer holiday and the summer is the beginning of the new year. In between them is the time that I am in fact utterly alone. Everybody is going away and everybody is leaving me behind, because I never had friends who invited me to go on holiday with them for a week. Everybody around me is planning their grand escapes with friends or family but I am never the one getting invited. Wait, the problem does not lie with the lack of invites but the lack of friends that I keep around here. Somehow wherever I go and whatever I do there is nobody that thinks of inviting me. It's always that feeling of high school that I have around me. It's always the "I am friends with everyone, invited my besties to a get away, but leave you out of it because you are strange" or whatever they are thinking. Clearly I do not fit into their plans. I play in the wrong groups so I never get invited. I decided to join a musical band, hang around with "older" people, so clearly they have no need of me as extra friend, they have enough of their own.

Fuck, I hate being myself for making all the wrong decision. It's never a happy day in the control center of my brain. The only thing that I can say to myself and be proud of is that I honestly don't care who I ever will love, because it is not important what's in their pants. I much more prefer those parts stuck in their brain for a constant mindfuck.