Dear Change

So, apparently I have chased away my readers. Is it so weird to want to know who the new visitors are? It was more my curiosity speaking than that I actually want to know all about you. Since I started writing blog entries nobody by my friends visited them, now I suddenly got a dozen of extra readers from beautiful places of planet earth and I wonder how they got themselves caught in the tides that carried them to this place of dismay and endless misery. I have always believed that blogs are interactive but when I actively try to interact with readers I chase them away, off thing to do while you are the guest and I am the host. Oh and if you are wondering why I keep such track of my stats, it is just a really easy way to see if anyone had commented on any post without reading through all comments, stats are easier to upload from my phone than the comments.

Change is inevitably, times never stops and it moulds, morphs and transforms into something new every second. If time would be visible, it would look like a nebula, changing colour and form and seem to move with unmeasurable speed. Sometimes it feels like time is stretched out, like pasta dough, bouncing back when it is fully stretched because the dough isn't that flexible. If time is stretched for a long enough time, it will become thin and the cracks will be visible, time will stop for a while before it chases the rest of the time around it till it catches up.

Sometimes I wonder if the time we spend here on earth, on this place where good and bad try to live together, as Tom en Jerry, neither can die because good or bad can't win to keep the balance in the world. What if this all was just a dream, thoughts that are conjured up on a unconscious mind that is kept in an incubator. We will never wake because the planet has been destroyed by ourselves and our images and memories are sustained by the data we left behind. The only way to live a satisfactory life is to keep the whole remaining humans asleep so they can live as they ancestors did. I can't decide if living a dream that I find awful would be any better to live in a wasteland, or deep under the ground without sunlight. I guess reality sucks anyway and time is just the most ancient God that guides the gods of change and life.

Of course there are a few good things in life. The feeling when you have succeeded, which I don't feel very often, it's a rare occasion when I actually succeed to do anything. The other thing that makes living worthwhile is the taste of good food and beverages, under which alcohol belongs to the top 3 of things. It is good to pamper yourself every once in a while when you have done your best and have done well. That is why I went out with some people I met while helping with the Musical Joseph, drank a few beers and smoked a bit. I can have it all, for college is done for this year. Today I have given myself a gift, I bought stretchers to celebrate that I have passed the year by giving myself a flesh tunnel aka. stretch. It won't be a very big one, but small enough to not stretch the whole structure of my ears as I will be doing it one earlobe only, but big enough to wear tunnels. If I still have money after I have seen Soldaat van Oranje again this summer, I will get a tattoo, I need to make art of my body. I need to change my body into something I can love and I love art, I love the expression of personality, of yourself, of myself that I need to brand a bit of myself into my skin. When I am old and my body is crumbling and my mind is still strong enough to remember who I am, I only have to look at the tattoo to remember what is stands for and who I really am. I will become myself in the next years, I will become the person that I was meant to be.