Why the Hell

I might just quit updating my blog, because who cares anyway. As I said before, I am the worst friend anyone could ever have, so why should I keep anyone up to date. What is the use anyway. I better go back to writing in some crappy journal that I misplaced long ago for some odd reason. It will surface once I start packing for hell hole Gelderland or Den Haag. What was I ever thinking. Nobody is waiting for me to keep talking about woe is me, you have had enough of that. In the end, everything is my fault, so why try and make things alright? I thought perhaps later on I will be ready and happy enough to go back to my former routine of silly internet babbling, but apparently it is not meant to be. As said to doctor House in today's episode that is probably rather old "you are afraid that you will lose a part of you, you like to be miserable, because that is what you are." Perhaps I have been fighting that for so long and now is the time to just give up and let it comes and be the miserable person I should have been long ago. My rants are over now, I will no longer penetrate your life with whatever mine throws at me because who am I to do that? I am nobody and I should remain a nobody, they are not remembered, not cared for and if they disappear there is nobody who will come looking because nobody's there. The maths is simple, if nobody cares to read it, don't write it, you will never come to a positive when the positive value you add to the negative is not bigger than the negative. So this is goodbye.