My Hollow World

Sometimes I can't remember why I write this blog, why  put my feelings on digital paper and publish it for all to see, so my dirt is spread all over cyberspace. That others might find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in the way they feel, is at least a bit of a bright spot in the darkness, because it is a terribly lonely thing to think and feel like nobody else know how you are feeling, everything seems to be so remotely far away while they might be closer than you think they are.

I do not wish to anyway to feel like I do, it is not that it is so terrible, sometimes it is, but it is worse knowing that there are others feeling the same you wish they will never have to go through all the thoughts I have in my head. Lately, my life has become hollow, just a shell without content. I do not go places, I make my daily cycle, of getting up, going to uni, going home, pretending to do homework and go to bed. It just doesn't make me feel any more human than the concrete floor they are pouring it its metal casket down the road. Life flashes by like car lights, but I do not participate, not because I don't want to, but because I have been poured into a metal casket and am made of concrete. I cannot move without breaking, I am too heavy to play along, I'm not a floater I'm a sinker.

it has been this misty for the last two weeks

Imagine how sad all the monkeys and apes must be when they are alone in their cage and see human kids having fun while in the zoo. I'm trying to make the best out of it, but my head won't go into those direction and my feet won't move where I long to be. The corset is just too tight and everything seems to wrong that I do not even want to start wriggling myself out of my restrains. So I keep living this hollow nightmare, hollow dream, hollow thought, because life is empty, life is a balloon, it bursts and there is nothing. In the end we are all floating in space some will fall into the atmosphere, having amazing adventures on the ground,  other keep floating around, going nowhere, but still moving through the darkness.