The Anti-socialite

Why do we still believe that we are so extremely social. Well some are, some are not. Checking your face book every few minutes does not make you social, facebook is one of the most anti-social things you can do when trying to be social, the whole internet is anti-social. How is it that people are holding on to their little blackberries like it is their life-jacket. I do a lot of on-line-socialising but I do not keep my phone in my hands through the course of the day, only when I'm bored, which happens a lot in college though. But who should I talk to then? It's not like I got any friends or anyone who wants to sit next to me, except for one girl and it is not like she is saying a lot. So there I am, on my own again. I do not know what it is that makes people sit at the edge of the table-row instead of close to me, am I that repulsive? Do I smell, do I say the most outrageous things? What is wrong with me that people don't find the need to talk to me, to be friends with me. So why don't I just quit, it's nice to be in college, it is horrible to be on your own and to see it amplified back when everybody has their buddy, multiple budies even. It's like a college buddy system, they swarm around in groups of 3 around the  faculty (we do not really have a campus). Perhaps I should quit life, it is not like I'm going anywhere, being anyone, achieving anything. You could put me in a jar and watch me die, as butterflies kept in jars because they are pretty. I'm just a freak of nature, but those are displayed in freakshows. I could give you all a big fuck you, I could also spill out my thoughts but nothing is waiting to hear me tell them how bad I feel and how I am thinking of killing myself, who wants to listen to that crap anyway. So I don't, I keep it to myself because it is no use. I already am the drama queen, don't want to repeat myself over again. Everybody must hate me, but that is ok, I hate me too.