Estranged

Do I touch the keyboard with my fingers, does my hand slide of the mouse, or is this all my imagination. I don't know, I can't seem to figure out how real everything is. Sometimes it feels like I am not even inside my body, but floating a meter above it, controlling this monstrosity of fat to move, to talk, to sit in front of a screen and pretend to be having conversations with pixels that form letters.

To me life is very subjective, I can't put my finger on what makes life real. Is it that we move along others, but I don't feel like I move alongside others, I could just as well be sleeping. Everything happens on automatic and I just let it happen, floating down a river without peddles. Losing contact with the reality around me, the inside of the screen is sucking me up until there is nothing left of me inside this flesh shell. I do not belong in this world and this world does not belong in me, the thoughts of an unknown reality haunt me while I try to type them down and capture its growing pain, while I walk down a path of indifference and pre-set routes. I do not matter, I do not make a difference and I move through life like a ghost, a ghost of a human being, a ghost of myself. I am, estranged. Estranged from this life, alienated from my body, from reality. Where does the border dissolve, when does reality become fantasy and when do our thoughts turn real, does our mind play tricks on us, show us what we want life to be, or is this bleak canvas of reality just a colourbook, ready to be filled in? I don't know, I will just play this game and hope that the pieces will fall together and I will find my grip in the reality others see, before I completely lose my touch with it.

No need
To talk
You cut me off and pull away
The heat is freezing again
It tears out my heart

Disguise
Pretend
Break down the whole fantasy
The distance remains, everlasting
It leaves me wondering

Why do you change this fast
It's not fair

Feel again
That's what we've missed
The whole time
Misplaced love remains, everlasting
It leaves me wondering

Why do you change this fast

It's not fair