Unworldly

How do people stand in this world? Do they take everything with a grain of sand, do they see flowers grow where I see the trash that is rotting there forever. Is the difference between optimism and pessimism of such crucial importance that it matters your entire view of the world we are living in. I don't know this. I am a natural pessimist, there is always trash that doesn't get taken away, the world is always at war and nobody seems to be doing a bloody thing about it.

Isn't it time for us all to be a little bit more understanding, to not judge a book by its cover because we all look ugly. The human being is a disgusting thing and it has no right to be the most intelligent animal on this planet. We are not worth the planet the way we treat it. Men is the only animal that is disrupting the ballace in this world, only because our brains have mutated to be of the thinking kind instead of the surviving kind. We are power greedy and use any tool necessary to have the luxury to command anyone to work for us. It is not the people who actually care about each other that end up with the power over others, it is the ones who only care about themselves.

I do not wish to care, for everyone else is caring only about him or herself. This is the era of self-importance and egocentric thinking. It is important to think about what you want and even if we give money to the poor it is only to make ourself feel better. Lately I have stopped caring about anyone, including myself. Jealousy is driving me mad, jealous of everyone who does have a social life, who are intelligent, who are beautiful, who go on holiday and whos siblings don't give them the feeling like they are the less important, good looking and smart person they are. I do not wish for my sister to have it all, but trough all her joking she is giving me the feeling that I am not as good and important as she is.

On top of everything I just complained about, I do not really feel part of this world. I can't grasp the concept of this egocentric living. I have a really hard time trying to feel part of this world. I could just as much be a concrete building and everybody is walking all over my floors and shit in my poopholes and smell like urine because nobody has the decency to piss in their toilets or clean up. When do we feel like a human being? I am much like an alien trying to understand the ways of this extraterestrial but never quite understand what their lives are about.

Could loneliness be the cause of this unworldly feeling. Do I just need a few good meant genuine hugs to cure me from this feeling. Or am I too far gone into a different empty world that nothing will bring me back. Have I closed the last door in this clinical white parallel world and is the sound of my voice the only sound that get swallowed by the thick silence? What do I have to do to feel like there is actual blood flowing through my veins and air in my lungs.