Darkness

There is no such thing in here as darkness, the street lights are so prominent everywhere that the sky is a constant shade of orange. Everything turns this cold and ghostly shade of orange every night, the stars are hardly visible and everything that is supposed to be some kind of organism appears to be made out of plastic. My world is veiled with a perpetual veil of impenetrable darkness.

There is always some kind of gloom in my world, if it isn't the actual bleak and cold weather it is my state of mind or the thoughts that keep me up till the small hours. Currently I just find it a cruel thought that next week me and my family will be living like trailer trash, camping in our own backyard. Having to put up with construction working half of the time and trying to manage in a village that is five times smaller than the place I used to live. On top of that instead of living 5km from the coast we will be living 8km from the German, that is a 165km distance. Don't go all "it is not that far" on me. When living in a country that is the size of a peanut on most maps, those 180 is about the width of the country, while it is only 250km from north to south.

It takes about 3 hours to cross that distance with the public transport, 1.5 by car and a day by bike. With the train it takes almost an hour to get to the nearest city. All my life the nearest city centre was about 20 minutes on my bike, now it is reachable in a decent time by car or train. You won't fit in unless you speak the accent/dialect, which for me is not understandable half of the time and they got their own rules of conversation. They still apply the rather traditional rules of conversation that sound familiar to those spoken of in Pride and Prejudice.

It feels like my life is chaos and I don't care much about my future. It is odd, I finally have reached my goal, the one I set three years ago and when I finally get that degree I was waiting for I don't know what to do with it. I am not qualified for anything yet and I got to pick something to study and now I just don't know what I should do. There is so much knowledge in the world and I can't possibly choose between any of them, they all sound great to me as long as they don't come with mathematics or chemistry.

It is my time to shine but I can't pick what I am going to shine with, do you know what would make me shine the brightest?