Life just generally continues as always, the little problems stacking neatly on top of each others like boxes when you are trying to move and in every closet more items are to be found. Life hasn't become easier with age, it just brings more responsibilities that I cannot handle, it confuses me, it frustrates me. I am not someone who lacks perspective or knowledge but all these different forms confuse me so much that I do not know how to fill them in correctly.
I think my life is not normal, not the same as those of others, but who am I to judge there life or to know that they are perfectly normal to society standards and are feeling fine. I guess that most do not feel like they are getting an heartattack or are about to faint when they have to call someone or have to do something they are not quite sure about. My sad days do not exclude themselves to days, the sadness does not go away when a friend visits, since they don't, it lingers until I cry every night and think of ending my life because it would be easier than feeling so miserable all the time. My self image is probably out of wack before I can't find anything that is not ugly or fat. It is not like I purposely fish for comments, it is that I honestly do not see what others see. Living with myself every day is a hard enough task,wishing that for someone else is just selfish.
If there were faeries like the fairygodmothers in sleeping beauty I would wish for a more beautiful body. That is the only thing I wish, perhaps I would feel better if I was skinny and model worthy, but perhaps I would still hate myself. I don't know, life is just cruel.
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