Shortcomings

It is not usual for me to complain about the shortcomings of friends or that of my family, but one is driving me mad and has never come to any good. When my life didn't look so great I turned to the internet, hoping to find some sort of salvation, a home inside my home. When I thought I found it things turned apeshit and the party that got founded within the madness moved. I honestly thought I had found a new family, one I could completely trust and depend upon when I would need them. It is all they ever advocate. Unfortunately, they have failed me on the same ground as my parents do.

Whenever I ask for help there is never anyone available, and if they are, they somehow don't take me serious or have no idea how to help me. This has led to me never asking anything of my parents, they simply never failed to fail at helping me, even at the simplest task they don't know what to do and end up doing a worse job than I could have done without asking for help. So, yesterday, I asked for help on English language matters, because I needed to rearrange some words, somehow I wasn't taken seriously by the people I thought I could trust. Where my parents and others have disappointed me in, my friends haven't failed to do the same. I now feel that it is useless to ask for help for anything. Why would I?

I haven't dared to ask help on my homework since, well a long time, except for the time when I asked my dad to check my spelling. This is because I always get rejected, nobody ever has time, and nobody ever takes me serious. So when I for once take my homework serious enough to ask for help, I get the same rejected as before, the same damn thing. It hurts and I don't say that to get attention or to pity myself, I say it because I get angry, at the one making fun of me and at myself for asking for help. My replacement home has turned into the home I was running from. Under my current situation it doesn't make life better. Perhaps I should forget about everything and move on, get a life, but this is what I have said a million times over and nothing has changed. How do you change when you are afraid to try, afraid to do something wrong?