On the Edge

Lately I have been sliding down the path of, well, whatever it is, I'm not going to diagnonsense myself before haters gonna tell me that I am wrong or what not. The thing is that, I've been thinking about how to kill myself, a lot, it is not healthy, but it is not something I enjoy doing, it just happens. Everything just feels like it is failing, every day, every time I do something I wonder why I am not death yet, if people aren't hating me and trying to get rid of me and if it wouldn't be better if I was just death. Then I will have to come up with clever ways to kill myself, already got a list in my head on how to properly do it and what it takes. It just seems to get so much closer, that moment when I decide to end it all. In the end there is nobody except my parents, whom I will never tell, that will just ask me how I feel, what is wrong with, nobody. I just keep floating away even further from social existence into a place where there is only me and endless darkness. My social ineptitude doesn't make my life better either and everything is just so fucked up.