How to Overcome an Addiction

Yes, how do you overcome an addiction. I am still not sure how to beat a bad habit, an addiction. Every time I think I have beat it, it comes back and it just makes me feel worse. This time I can't stop thinking about it and all I want is my fix, to feel numb, alive and most of all it helps me calming down.

So how do you beat the one addiction that is free? No start with the rubberband things or the sitting on your hands. Because when I get the thoughts of my fix in my head I can't get it out of my head until I get it. I tried denying it but currently all I want is that feeling of calmness. Perhaps it's my job causing it, well I know for sure it is my job and not to be childish like it sounds now. I don't write it off to everything except me. It's me who is the problem but the longer for the fix comes from triggers in my environment but you simply can't live your life without doing anything at all. I wish I could change myself into a better me without fear, but how do you beat fear of anything social? Even seeking help is first getting over that fear. The irony of social fear, isn't it. Just lets close this entry with a song to explain the difficulty of kicking the habit, shall we? Lets hope I won't do it again for a long long time.



*Note this song is about nail-biting, my problem isn't

Bad Habit by The Dresden Dolls

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....