Ghost

Updates of Life

• Still sexually fluid
• Still living under my parent's authority
• My sexlife non-existent
• Same for my sociallife

There is really nothing to see about my wondrous life. Perhaps I should start trying to live a life instead of being this dead human being. It is just that is already hard enough to get out of bed in the morning, I can't imagine how I would exhaust myself by going to all kind of parties and social gatherings of sorts. Things seem to finally, not fall together, but fall apart. My dream of getting a university degree is shattered by my lack of intelligence, that is what seems to be the main problem. Apparently all my life I have been someone who found herself too smart for everyone around her, while in fact I was just as dumb as the rest of the plebs. I should embrace my mediocrity and get a life and except that I will never be something and never be anything because I am not social.

Talking about not being anything, that feeling has come back again. Somehow I feel like I do not exist, that everything is just a veil of illusion draped around my mind. I move between others as a ghost, like a fleeting thought. Transparent in the light of life, even though life is weighing heavy on my shoulders.