Cold Hard Bitch

It is that day of the week, no not 'that' day of the week, wednesday is the day my parents leave for their own humble home at the other end of the universe. Somehow it gets to my mum. Not only the fact that she is stressing out about cleaning the house, which is not her job, but she feels responsible. Somehow she has caught a cause of separation anxiety which is not shared by your humble writer.

Every Wednesday the same scene carries out, my mother is stressing from packing her clothes for the rest of the week and I hurry to my room to pretend to be busy. When they find me during their last minute before leaving both my parents try to say some good words and kiss me goodbye.

I am not much of a hugger or kisser, probably a northern characteristic you and I have to live with. Well, I do not mind lesbian and brohugs ... I mind hugs from my parents. Especially my mother, who is, unintentionally, always choking me with her love. I hate it when she cries, I hate it when she is frustrated I hate it when she is anything but neutral. She is the kind of person with who you are very uncomfortable to hang around with. I seem like a cold hard bitch, in fact, I am, it comes down to intimacy. I have never been intimate with my mother, or my father for that matter. The moment I could make choices and could walk I wouldn't sit down on my mother's lap anymore, which doesn't make me her favourite either.

When I find her crying, which happens more often these days, I just pretend she isn't and go to my room. The thing I can't more than people shoving their believes down my throat is to find people I know crying. I just can't handle that part of being human, why does anyone has to comfort anyone, my brain just runs off. I do not feel sympathy that way, I am an empathic person, I just do not feel sympathy in a way that I can actually help and console others. Her mood is giving the house a bad atmosphere, bad enough for me to consider moving out as that atmosphere makes me want to hurt myself, which isn't good for my own health.