Fear

It is not easy to live with all consuming fear. I am currently feeling like I have to throw up, like I am of the smallest size inside the biggest clothes being bloated to a whale-size all at the same time and all in the same body.

Reason: I went to work like usual, the bags with post were handed out and put in the depot, my two co-workers were there too, putting their bags on their bikes. I found two bags of two of my rounds, yet they were filled with adds and not with post. Which means my post is not ready, so I went home pretending to do my round. I hate myself so much for doing things like this. I think I should call somebody to ask about the post and I don't do it. I rather sit at home being scared. I am scared for work calling, my sister coming home, all kinds of other irrelevant things.

My stomach is in my throat and my head in my stomach all entwined.