***
I had picked the most comfortable seat, one that wasn't torn or smudged by whatever substance that was once dropped on them. The back on my shoulders hurt as I had walked for quite some time while my walk-man and cassettes kept me company. I planted my bag on the seat in front of me and pulled out the little table under the window, it made a scratching noise as I made the rusty screw move. I was grateful for the good weather, at least now I didn't have to worry about keeping myself warm at night anymore.
I turned my walk-man off and searched in the plastic bag for some descent scraps of food I had found and begged for. I pulled out the re-filled bottle of water and half a chicken sandwich still wrapped in it's paper-like wrapping. I slowly began eating the sandwich making sure that my stomach would feel filled for at least another 12 hours. when I was done eating, it too me long enough because when I looked out of the window of the train compartment it was dark outside, the lights of the city were shining dimly and deriding down on the people living there. I closed my eyes and the train began to move, slowly at first but within just a few seconds it was steaming at full speed. I open my eyes wide, the buildings around me passed by in rapid speed as the train shot ahead over the abandoned rail-tracks. This was not possible at all, this train-wreck has been standing on that abandoned station for years and most of the citizens didn't even know it existed, but still I felt the very real movements of the train.
I closed my eyes again hoping that this horrifying ideas of ghost-trains and crashing trains would go away. Around me the compartment was full of laughter, excitement and people! I opened my eyes and my mother was sitting next to me, her pale and ghostly-white face the most beautiful I had ever seen. I forgot that this could only be a dream and I closed my arms around her, surprisingly, warm body. For the first time since her funeral I cried, I hated her for leaving my alone with my homophobic father but I understand why she had done it and didn't blame her for wanting to escape a fate worse than death. I once asked, in a moment of complete rage and sadness, why he hated my mother so much and why he treated me the same. He yelled back, raising his hand above his head, ready to strike, that he would not allow sinners and unnatural feelings towards the same sex ruin his chance to get into heave. The next thing I know is that I woke up in the hospital after he gave me a blow again my head. My body was bruised and burnt, but it seemed that no-one believe what I told them and so I was send back home after a week. The same night I packed my bag and left home, never felt I happier than that night when I finally put feet outside the door and knew that my life was about to change. I didn't care that I had no home anymore and nowhere to turn to, at least I wouldn't be beaten up for as much as looking at another woman.
I looked up at my mother's eyes, they were as beautiful as ever and radiated the warmth and love I had only seen the morning when she gave me a hug, a kiss on the forehead and told me that she would miss me, just before I got picked up by the schoolbus. The tears were streaming down my face now, I wanted to smile but I couldn't, I had pretended a smile so much that I didn't know how to anymore. With a whispering voice I asked her the only question I had wanted to ask her in all those years without her: "Could I come with you, Mum?". To my surprise she nodded, her hair fell loosely around her shoulders and her perfect breasts. She put her arms around me and held me tight, the warmth flowed through my body from the tips of my fingers to my toes while the train rode on through green meadows with cows and small farms as if we were rode from panting to painting. Suddenly I was cold, it was not the biting cold that came when it froze but a gentle cold, it reached my chest and I knew that it was there. The world around me was black and in the distance I saw my mother, shining as bright as the sun holding out her hands and I knew it was forever, I was safe.
No comments:
Post a Comment