Safe Haven

Everybody has a safe haven, a place where they can be in peace, a place where they are nothing but their unsheltered self. Some have their safe haven in their diaries where they tell everything they feel, other only need the safety of their bedroom and enough create their own world with their own rules. Everybody has one, some only need the comfort of their bestest friends others need more than that and I need the world that is locked in my room, in my computer, in my mind.

My safe haven is the place locked with a door, where I can breathe. Without the privacy of my room I would be nowhere, but my safe place is not just my room, it's the computer and the internet that are available in my room. It might sound that my world revolves around the internet but it doesn't. Imagine yourself hopelessly lost in the abyss that is called life, you would wish for anyone you know to be there next to you guiding you through it. My constant graving for internet, staying in my safe place for hours is not because I have no life without internet, it is because that is where the people are that will actually listen to me in some way. When I am in the Asylum Chat or on my MSN I know people will listen to me while the world right outside my bedroom wouldn't give half a shit if I was feeling sick and uncomfortable and miserable and want to be left alone.

After all, my safe haven is the place where I can speak my mind, where I have the freedom to be all me and not just parts of me. My safe haven is this blog, the Asylum Chat, the ability to type poems and write stories on my computer and play violin without that I feel that others are watching me. Because that is it, when I am downstairs, like I am now, I feel that everybody is watching over my shoulder to see what I got to say and who I am talking to. I still remember the times that there was no internet I could speak my mind on, no friends to comfort me, no place to tell others the things I was thinking about and I felt like I was exploding from all the things that were inside me and got lost in the tunnels of my soul while trying to find their way out to the surface.

For the moment I lost my place of safety, of privacy and all other things that I do when feeling protected by my friends on the internet. I can't write poems, stories, I can't play violin


Yesterday my rant was so much more profound but I pressed "cancel" by accident and everything was lost. The Nintendo DS is not meant to write whole blog entries on. Still I do because there is no safer place than in my bed when my parents think I am asleep, that is also a reason why the night is the best hours of the day, it's the time where people sleep and only a few are awake.

On another note, my brother has come home for his internship, there has be no worse time for my computer to be a bitch. Me and my sister also got the idea to change bedrooms again. Because she is such a girly girl that she needs more space for all her things and I have so little stuff and so much space we thought of the idea to swapping bedrooms again. I will move to my brother's room, my brother will move to my sister's room and my sister will get my room. There will be no changing of wallpaper of painting, just moving of properties and the occasional closet or drawers but most big items will stay in the bedrooms. So I will update as soon as I got my new space in a room that is perhaps less hot in the summer and a little colder in the winter. So I hope it turns out to be a Win/Win situations and my brother did not even complain about the fact that his room would be one with "darling, princess and gorgeous" on the wall. My sister did not complain about her future being in a room with grey painted walls and texts on it and I can not complain about light yellow walls with green accents.