We all grown, inward, sidewards, forward and retreat to try and find what we have left behind. But what if growing means you are spreading yourself thinly across a canvas and the more your spread the more you lose of yourself, deluded with water, deluded with words from others, rolling over thing tongues like waterfalls of letters, on and on. What if I do not like the self portrait that I have carefully painted, because it has turned into a hideous deformed creature that I saw in the latest horror flick to shock the audience, to make the girls squeeze their boyfriend's hands, but will laugh at as soon as they leave the theatre. There is always monsters deep inside of us, some are the little tooth fairies, vile, but in the eyes of others harmless and creature we live with and that even though they become evil reincarnated, they do good deeds when we believe them to be true.
I have retreated myself into my own little mind, instead of screaming to the unknown other in a black world consisting of pixels and other pixelated people, I scream at nothing and I cry in my own corner. People feel like they are walking on eggs when they are around me, because they do not know how to act, what to say when I condemn my own life. So, I will no longer make chat a henhouse, where I lay my eggs all over the floor.
- find a job
- find a room before I become homeless
- fix everything
- do not fail classes
- do not be stupid
- get laptop fixed
- get mind fixed
- go to the doctor
- go to the dentist
- do not pass start and do not receive €200
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